Divorce !! why now ?
Dear BrotherI understand your frustration and feelings and that you wish to get out of this relationship and so you are contemplating a divorce.
However men do NOT get divorce easily [ especially under Hindu Marriage Act or Special Marriage Act]
So even if your wife has filed a 498A OR is about to file a 498A, do NOT file for divorce in haste....
From my experience, I suggest the following
1. When wife files 498A, fight the 498A case. i.e. Husband should obtain bails, attend hearings of 498a cases, cross examine opposite party witnesses, produce your own evidence + witnesses in court to disprove wife's claims etc ...etc... - BUT HUSBAND SHOULD NOT FILE FOR DIVORCE [i.e. do NOT start a civil battle]
1.1. you can file counter cases - CRIMINAL cases as well against her, BUT NOT civil cases
2. YES, I REPEAT, DO NOT FILE FOR DIVORCE immediately UNLESS you have VERY strong proof like adultery or something - that too very very strong proof that can stand the test of a criminal court
3. as far as the civil case is concerned, WAIT for the wife to make her first mistake [foe e.g. wife filing for nullity, etc...etc..] and ONLY counter wife's case
4. What if wife does not file a civil case ?? JUST WAIT !! THAT'S IT, PLAIN AND SIMPLE, JUST WAIT !!
4.1. In the meanwhile you can try to create proof of her ABANDONING your home. For a Hindu wife, the husband's house is the matrimonial home. Should she abandon it she has to show proper cause. Else she will be the deserting wife.
4.2. In some cases there are schizophrenia and other mental illnesses that act as a hindrance to normal married live. GET PROOF OF THE SAME
5. Now, continuing with our discussion ..."..What if wife files for divorce..." Wow !! excellent, oppose the GROUNDS for divorce and say that SHE IS THE cruel / deserting spouse and NOT you. again I recommend that you fight against wife's case, BUT DO NOT launch a case your self
6. "...What if wife files for restitution of conjugal rights [RCR] ..." i.e. calls you back or wishes to come back ?? Now you have to make an honest decision. If you are willing to take her back, please do so. Or Else - i.e. IF you feel that she is NOT sincere, so be it... Fight against [the wife's restitution case] with relevant facts. One such fact [if she has filed a false 498A ] could be that her OWN statements at one case [say a 498A case ] are contradicting her statements in another [say a restitution case] - so one of them, or most probably both of them are false !!
You see this is a war and a civil case is a LONG war
Offense generally needs 5 ~ 10 times more efforts than defense .... This is true of war. This is true in life. Our Courts are still in 18th century mindset.
Courts consider men filing divorce to be the aggressor
and ..... the moment you file a divorce, your wife will run to court and try to get the court's sympathy in her false 498A case as well
The moment you file for divorce, wife will come back seeking alimony, child maintenance blah ...blah ...blah ....
Be completely prepared about maintenance and child support issues, BEFORE filing for divorce
I learnt this [concept] a little too late [after filing my divorce case], but well.... I still use this line and length occasionally - say during counsellings, mediation etc etc ....
regards
Vinayak
Posts
12 comments:
I completely endorse Vinayak's views. Patience is the key to this game. Remember - he who laughs last, laughs best!
Though I read this blog only today, I have had the same views as in this blog ever since my wife left (only 4 months into the marriage).
Keep cool and do not be hasty.
- Sandeep (Bangalore)
Thanks Sandeep for the comments
May I also know your blog URL
Regards
vinayak
CLARIFICATION TO THE BLOG ABOVE
>You wrote in your blog "Courts consider men
>filing divorce to be the aggressor". My
>question is, is it your personal opinion and
>generally it happens?
My personal opinion and the narration of dozens of victims
However read the EARLIER PARA and the LATER para to understand the issue COMPLETELY !!
>>>>> i SAID >>>>>>>>
You see this is a war and a civil case is a LONG war
Offense generally needs 5 ~ 10 times more efforts than defense .... This is true of war. This is true in life. Our Courts are still in 18th century mindset.
Courts consider men filing divorce to be the aggressor
and ..... the moment you file a divorce, your wife will run to court and try to get the court's sympathy in her false 498A case as well
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
So please read the entire stuff
Other e.g.
I have a recent case in Chennai where
(a) wife REFUSES to live with hubby
(b) Hubby HAS PROVEN wife's cruelty (or probably desertion)
(c) Wife claims that Hubby is earning a lot, Hubby's salary is NOT proven
(d) still hubby slapped with Rs. 8,500/- per month as maintenance at the family court !!!!
(e) I suspect the wife will go on appeal asking for more !!
What to say ?
I've posted even SC of India Judgements where in spite of wife working in ICICI Bank, to maintain the status the hubby was slapped with Rs. 10,000/- per month as maintenance !!
>"Court considers" means there must be some
>legal points based on which court "considers".
>What are those leagal clause that leads court
>to think like this?
Read the long thread in SIF and I quote Jogeshwar Ji "...law lives in the MINDS OF JUDGES ...." and NOT just in the books !!!
regards
Vinayak
My post above is Subject to
----------------------------
1. My idea of *self help* which is very essential : http://tinyurl.com/pxcfz
2. Standard disclaimers as in http://tinyurl.com/947u9
3. A short preamble : http://tinyurl.com/hatew
>
>Re: Advice Please- ..............
>Wed May 30, 2007 2:55 am (PST)
>
>Vinayak,
>
>You wrote in your blog "Courts consider men
>filing divorce to be the aggressor". My
>question is, is it your personal opinion and
>generally it happens?
>
>"Court considers" means there must be some
>legal points based on which court "considers".
>What are those leagal clause that leads court
>to think like this?
>
>Regards
>
>
>>
>>--- In saveindianfamily@yahoogroups.com,
>>Vinayak.20.victim123@... wrote:
>>
>>Dear ______ (Hubby)
>>
>>
>>It is sad to hear your story
>>
>>In addition to Mynation's reply below, I wish
>>to say
>>
>>It is too early to worry about deportation now
>>
>>However It is essential that you take certain
>>precautions before they act or get a position
>>to damage you
>>
>>1. DO NOT FILE FOR DIVORCE in case you have NOT yet filed for divorce.
>>Please read here for why ?
>>http://bareact.blogspot.com/2006/12/divorce-why-now.html
>>or at http://tinyurl.com/y6a4cj
>>
>>2. General questions of NRI husbands are answered here.
>>http://bareact.blogspot.com/2007/05/letter-to-nri-hubby.html
>>or at http://tinyurl.com/2r559z
>>
>>2.1. Please note that this a blog in the
>>making. Please post further questions and I
>>shall answer them. Please note that If you post
>>questions to me ALL Identifying data like name
>>of city etc are removed while posting replies
>>
>>
>>3. The information given by you is very very
>>limited. Please send a private mail with
>>details of
>>
>>3.1. year of marriage
>>3.2. Are there children from this marriage
>>3.3. How long since contact was broken
>>3.4. Did you make efforts to get her back to
>>your house and / or live with you and / or
>>amicably settle the problems
>>3.5. Are there any civil or other cases filed
>>? etc etc
>>
>>Should you need a detailed list of questions, Please read here
>>http://vinayak.wordpress.com/2007/05/30/new-member-questions/
>>or at http://tinyurl.com/3844sj
>>or http://tinyurl.com/2lm7gu
>>
>>More after hearing from you
>>
>>
>>regards
>>Vinayak
>>
>>
>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Advice Please- ______ (Hubby) - _____ (City),
>>>Name: ______ (Hubby)
>>>Email: ______ (Hubby)ji@...
>>>498A Registered: NO
>>>498A Place:
>>>498A Date:
>>>Any Other IPCs:
>>>Relatives Accused:
>>>Stage of Case: no498a
>>>Comments:
>>>
>>>I am currently in US on H1B visa.
>>>
>>>My wife and in-laws (currently in India) want
>>>to file 498a case, will I be deported back to
>>>India.
>>>
>>>Is it possible?
>>>
>>>Help me please..
CLARIFICATION TO THE BLOG ABOVE
>You wrote in your blog "Courts consider men
>filing divorce to be the aggressor". My
>question is, is it your personal opinion and
>generally it happens?
My personal opinion and the narration of dozens of victims
However read the EARLIER PARA and the LATER para to understand the issue COMPLETELY !!
>>>>> i SAID >>>>>>>>
You see this is a war and a civil case is a LONG war
Offense generally needs 5 ~ 10 times more efforts than defense .... This is true of war. This is true in life. Our Courts are still in 18th century mindset.
Courts consider men filing divorce to be the aggressor
and ..... the moment you file a divorce, your wife will run to court and try to get the court's sympathy in her false 498A case as well
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
So please read the entire stuff
Other e.g.
I have a recent case in Chennai where
(a) wife REFUSES to live with hubby
(b) Hubby HAS PROVEN wife's cruelty (or probably desertion)
(c) Wife claims that Hubby is earning a lot, Hubby's salary is NOT proven
(d) still hubby slapped with Rs. 8,500/- per month as maintenance at the family court !!!!
(e) I suspect the wife will go on appeal asking for more !!
What to say ?
I've posted even SC of India Judgements where in spite of wife working in ICICI Bank, to maintain the status the hubby was slapped with Rs. 10,000/- per month as maintenance !!
>"Court considers" means there must be some
>legal points based on which court "considers".
>What are those leagal clause that leads court
>to think like this?
Read the long thread in SIF and I quote Jogeshwar Ji "...law lives in the MINDS OF JUDGES ...." and NOT just in the books !!!
regards
Vinayak
My post above is Subject to
----------------------------
1. My idea of *self help* which is very essential : http://tinyurl.com/pxcfz
2. Standard disclaimers as in http://tinyurl.com/947u9
3. A short preamble : http://tinyurl.com/hatew
>
>Re: Advice Please- ..............
>Wed May 30, 2007 2:55 am (PST)
>
>Vinayak,
>
>You wrote in your blog "Courts consider men
>filing divorce to be the aggressor". My
>question is, is it your personal opinion and
>generally it happens?
>
>"Court considers" means there must be some
>legal points based on which court "considers".
>What are those leagal clause that leads court
>to think like this?
>
>Regards
>
>
>>
>>--- In saveindianfamily@yahoogroups.com,
>>Vinayak.20.victim123@... wrote:
>>
>>Dear ______ (Hubby)
>>
>>
>>It is sad to hear your story
>>
>>In addition to Mynation's reply below, I wish
>>to say
>>
>>It is too early to worry about deportation now
>>
>>However It is essential that you take certain
>>precautions before they act or get a position
>>to damage you
>>
>>1. DO NOT FILE FOR DIVORCE in case you have NOT yet filed for divorce.
>>Please read here for why ?
>>http://bareact.blogspot.com/2006/12/divorce-why-now.html
>>or at http://tinyurl.com/y6a4cj
>>
>>2. General questions of NRI husbands are answered here.
>>http://bareact.blogspot.com/2007/05/letter-to-nri-hubby.html
>>or at http://tinyurl.com/2r559z
>>
>>2.1. Please note that this a blog in the
>>making. Please post further questions and I
>>shall answer them. Please note that If you post
>>questions to me ALL Identifying data like name
>>of city etc are removed while posting replies
>>
>>
>>3. The information given by you is very very
>>limited. Please send a private mail with
>>details of
>>
>>3.1. year of marriage
>>3.2. Are there children from this marriage
>>3.3. How long since contact was broken
>>3.4. Did you make efforts to get her back to
>>your house and / or live with you and / or
>>amicably settle the problems
>>3.5. Are there any civil or other cases filed
>>? etc etc
>>
>>Should you need a detailed list of questions, Please read here
>>http://vinayak.wordpress.com/2007/05/30/new-member-questions/
>>or at http://tinyurl.com/3844sj
>>or http://tinyurl.com/2lm7gu
>>
>>More after hearing from you
>>
>>
>>regards
>>Vinayak
>>
>>
>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Advice Please- ______ (Hubby) - _____ (City),
>>>Name: ______ (Hubby)
>>>Email: ______ (Hubby)ji@...
>>>498A Registered: NO
>>>498A Place:
>>>498A Date:
>>>Any Other IPCs:
>>>Relatives Accused:
>>>Stage of Case: no498a
>>>Comments:
>>>
>>>I am currently in US on H1B visa.
>>>
>>>My wife and in-laws (currently in India) want
>>>to file 498a case, will I be deported back to
>>>India.
>>>
>>>Is it possible?
>>>
>>>Help me please..
HI,
I DONOT FULLY ENDORSE WITH VINAYAK'S VIEWS. THE VIEW IS RIGHT TO SOME SET OF FACTS AND CIRCUMSTANCES. IN CASES WHERE THE WIFE PROVES TO BE THE AGGRESSOR AND LODGES FALSE COMPLAINT WHERE THE HUSBAND HAS GOT PROOF FOR HER MISDEEDS. IN ONE OF MY CASES, I HAD PROOFS FOR HER AGGRESSION AND WRONG-DOINGS AND THATS WHY I MOVED THE COURT FIRST. I OBTAINED ANTICIPATORY BAIL FOR SELF AND PARENTS, AND BROTHERS AND CONTESTING THE CASE. SHE'S SENDING FEELERS TO SETTLE THE ISSUE.
REGARDS
PRAMOD
If you're in US, apply for divorcee in US family court. In my opinion the longer you wait the better chances your wife and in-laws will have to PIN you down in false 498A against you. stating falsely that you have been cruel over the period of time.
DO NOT WAIT! ACT FAST!
if you think 498A is coming you way hire a lawyer in India and first get anticipatory bail for your family, especially for elders.
the bail will be granted for Rs/10,000 per person.
DO NOT GIVE UP to your inlaws demands, nowdays every in-laws are using 498A to blackmail and extort money , especially if groom is working aboard (Software professionals are prime targets)
So good luck and move fast!
also visit teh following sites for help and spread the word:
http://www.498a.org/
http://www.rakshakfoundation.org/
Again FIRST hire some good lawyer in india who is well versed with 498A cases and get anticipatory bail for your family. DOES NOT matter even if it is a thread, just get the anticipatory bail first.
Hi,
My wife has mental problem schizophrenia, and due to that she is harrasing me. I am completely frustrated with our marital life. I tried her to take to some psychiatry center but she refused that and even her family does not want her to go.
We are staying together. I dont want to live with her at any cost. But I dont want to be vitimised with this 498A case or for that matter any such kind of case, if I leave her and stay alone. Can I take anticipatory bail and simply leave her? Will she able to know whether I have filed Anticipatory bail or not?
One more thing how much it would cost to file anticipatory bail for me. Can I put in anticipatory bail, I am going outside India for some time period, so she sould not file case of DESERTION.
Thanks
Dear anonymous,
Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. The person finds it difficult to tell the difference between real and imagined experiences, to think logically, to express feelings, or to behave appropriately.
Your in-laws have cheated you by hiding their daughter mental illness and getting her married to you. they have committed BREACH OF TRUST and this is a criminal offense under IPC.
If you do not want to live with her then take anticipatory bail for all your family members and yoourself and then file for divorceed BUT before this get her examined by a doctor and have the medical records as proof, based on the medical records the court will grant you divorceed.
also visit http://www.498a.org
to educate yourself, there are many cases where in-laws have cheated grooms by hiding their daughters mental conditions.
NOWADAYS men are tortured in the hands of women by misusing newly formulated laws specially designed only for women. The law makers fully forgetting the constitutions article 14 which says all men and woman are equal before law or say equality before law. This article 14 giving equal strength to man and woman but formulating new law for women so for no law formulated by the law makers for men. Why?
A fine case of one Mr. Rathinasabapathy who was married with Rajeswari of Howrah at Pondicherry on 4th June 2003 started their life initially at Pondicherry latter after five months shifted to Bangalore where he was employed. The husband arranged job for his wife and he had given her all possible freedom which include to visit her parental house, to wear the dresses she feel convenient. But his all these freedoms and love showered towards the wife resulted in one fine day with hand cuffs of iron. Do you believe? YES THIS IS A TRUE STORY. The husband who once tried his best to keep his wife happy meted the cruelty by the same women. The husband arranged all physical mental pleasures for his wife but not fulfilled one demand which is affecting his parents, unmarried brother and sister. The wife demand for separate dwelling that too in such a place the language of which is a strange thing to the husband and leaving the old aged sick parents here all alone was not welcomed by the husband and which only resulted in iron hand cuffing like a herded criminal and lying in illegal custody for eight days.
The wife and her parents even not intimated him the child birth and somehow when he come to know the child birth he requested to send a snap of the child which was also not heard. For the new born the father send some gift which was also returned by the wife and her parents. Their cruelty reached at Himalayan peak when she lodged a complaint using the weapon of dowry and domestic violence act (DVA) and several other criminal section against husband and in-laws, the in-laws who never interfered her life. The question is if she really met cruelty by the hands of husband and his relatives why she had not opted to file a complaint in the jurisdiction police station which was only in walkable distance. She opted to file complaint in the Howrah police station and filed a divorce under section 13a and succeeded to get an expartee decree within 3 months of filing which is very impossible as per marriage law. The husband had not given time to file counter or for a counselling. When husband was attending for maintenance case and came out of the court he was arrested and handcuffed and remained in the custody for eight days and ninth day presented before the judicial magistrate and then kept one day in judicial custody and latter bailed out. The wife atlest shown curtsy by not opposing the anticipatory bail of in-laws.
The women how she forget the sweetness of togetherness, how she forget the sweet face of her husband which is now also in front of her in the form of child.
THE MEN WAS CRUSHED IN THE HANDS OF WOMEN. The men who is a M.Sc., M.Phil., earning sufficiently was now staring the sky with no hope for justice. His parents are weeping and sister, brother still in a stage of shock.
The reward paid by the wife to her husband is the only result of misusing of newly formulated laws. The court at Howrah which have no jurisdiction neither to try the suit for divorce nor for the criminal offence as the couple married at Pondicherry and last resided place at Bangalore, where both of them were employed and as such alleged offence held in Bangalore. So the decree which is passed by the Howrah Court is improper and the complaint also liable to be quashed. But these all will happen in future.
Wake and do something for men otherwise similar trouble tomorrow you also have to face. For this not only togetherness of men required but the togetherness of women also required.
Thanks,
M. Rathina Sabapathy
Pondicherry
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A divorce can be traumatic experience, so consult an specialist and get some Medicine no Prescription antidepressant is very good idea.
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